As an American in Ghana, one definitely has an advantage on the dating scene.  However, it is not for reasons we tend to respect in the West when it comes to romance.

Ghana is a country that idealizes the United States in general.  If you’re an American in Ghana, there’s no way to escape people looking up to you, so to speak.

Many Ghanaians are down to become romantically involved with foreigners like Americans, specifically in hopes that the relationship will reach a point whereas said individual will take them to their home country.  In other words, they do so for the prospect of traveling abroad or more simply put for monetary gain.  And the lengths some will go through to achieve that goal may, from a Western perspective, seem extreme.

How that relates to me personally is it being hard to ascertain how much a Ghanaian female is really into me.  Is she dating me because she really likes me?  Or is homegirl banking on me falling so madly in love that when I return to the States, I will take her with me?  That’s the type of internal dilemmas you may face as an American dating in Ghana.  In places like the United States, it’s generally considered unethical to date someone for monetary gain.  But out here, people are more practical.

I used to think like that at first, that Ghanaians who behave so should be avoided.  But spend enough time in Ghana, and your First World perspectives began to change.

So my thought processes are a lot more practical than when I first arrived.  Now it’s like, I believe you have to capitalize on just about any advantage you have in this world, because competition is fierce.

I still don’t agree with some of such relationships.  It isn’t easy to watch a woman submit herself to a man she clearly isn’t attracted to, just because he’s American, British or whatever.  Nor am I particularly fond of watching Ghanaian men take advantage of American women, whether the woman is genuinely smitten or not.  It can also be troublesome when someone already has a committed partner but then dumps them to be with an American or some other foreign.  I know of one Ghanaian homey who even committed suicide when the woman he loved did something like that.

As for me personally, I know that idea has to be in the back of the mind of any Ghanaian I get seriously involved with, that maybe we’ll live happily ever after in the United States, or something like that.  But I don’t exploit it by pretending I’m going to take them if I don’t have any intention of doing so.

TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OR NOT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE

Back in the days when I met a Ghanaian woman I was interested in, I wouldn’t speak so much, so that she wouldn’t pick up on my accent.  I wanted to see if she really liked me for me and not because of Uncle Sam.  But nowadays, it’s more like blah blah blah.

The reason Americans are looked up to, most simply put, is because of our access to the US Dollar.  This is a currency which usually trades very high in Ghana.  This is besides the strong influence media from the States has on this society.  So if as an American male you’re over here flossin’, in theory you can have as many women as you can handle.

There’s this saying that goes, every fantasy is perfect until it becomes a reality.  I did some promiscuous sh*t back in the days.  When you’re younger, it’s kinda hard not to when such options are available.

Honestly, I regret most of those experiences.  What has me peeved is that they contributed to the demise of serous relationships with women I wouldn’t mind being with to this day.  As one Ghanaian elder once told me, when it comes to romantic relationships in Ghana you can have either quantity or quality.  True playas come, do their thing and disappear into the sky.  But as for us more down-to-earth dudes, you don’t want to do anything that your conscience will prosecute you for the rest of your life

TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS I’VE BEEN IN

To flesh this article out and make it more interesting, here are brief details of romantic relationships I’ve had in Ghana.  Names have been changed and facts obscured of course, because this is not about revealing my personal life but hopefully giving the reader something they can use.

BELLA

Bella was the first woman I dated in Ghana.  During our brief relationship I started flinging with other women, an act that definitely didn’t help matters any.  I later found out that she was dealing with other dudes on the side as well.  Maybe it was in the name of vengeance or whatever; I don’t know.  But in hindsight, I regret not taking her more seriously.

On that note, let me state that there’s a considerable amount of female-sexual liberation in Ghana.  Some foreigners come over here expecting some traditional, 16th century type sh*t.  Uh-uh.  There’s an ample amount of Ghanaian women who are getting it on more than male counterparts.  Also prostitution, whether de facto or official, is how many of them survive.

LISA

This was the most serious relationship I’ve had in GH.  There were various factors that led to its demise.  One was my inability, as an American, to meet Lisa’s expectations.  A lot of these women look forward to financially taking advantage of a foreigner not just to splurge on themselves but also to benefit their family members.

AMA

I don’t know if I was ever deeply in love with Ama, though she was mad cool to be with.  She was also more financially stable and supportive than any other woman I dated.  That kinda stuff tends to matter in Ghana, a lot.  So she’s another one I regret losing, sometimes even more so than Lisa.

ROSE

I had something like a one-night stand with Rose.  I would have done it again if given the opportunity, but homegirl was wild for the night.

I was in the more serious relationship with Lisa at the time, who was able to detect that Rose and I had something going on.  She only brought it up once, but I’m confident that realization also contributed to our relationship falling apart.

AALIYAH

Aaliyah was someone I’d been with a couple times who later claimed she was pregnant.  To this day, I don’t know if she was telling the truth or just used that as an excuse to take money.

MARY

Mary introduced herself to me, being turned on, by her own admittance, due to my American leanings.  This one didn’t last too long, though sometimes I wish it did.  But let’s say that with some of these women who prefer Americans, that may be because they’ve already had foreign experience.

DATING DOS AND DON’TS

Don’t let the above details give you the impression that I’m a playa, because I’m not.  Those relationships happened over a number of years and for the most part were woefully short.  People can do stupid things when they fool themselves into believing romantic options are unlimited.  And that elder was absolutely right – you can either have quantity or quality but not both.

It is well known that in this part of the world, it’s more acceptable for a man to have more than one wife.  Some men, including myself at one point, let that reality get to their heads.  But trust me, it ain’t that simple.  As far as I know, women are just about the same everywhere.  So if you meet a Ghanaian woman who’s totally unbothered by your promiscuity, that probably means she’s out there getting it on herself.

Some Ghanaian men, especially some married ones ironically enough, make a habit out of dating prostitutes.  That has never been my thing, though I’m not judging anyone.

Prostitution in Ghana, outside of some urban centers, is not widespread.  But if you do live in or visit such an area and know where to look, you shouldn’t have a problem picking up a lady, so long as ample funds are available.  If you trick a woman out here into sleeping with you for money and then fail to pay afterwards, I’ve seen that happen a couple times, and the outcome tends to prove unfavorable for the male.

I befriended a few sex workers recently, not on no dating sh*t but more or less out of happenstance.  Outside of the way they dress sometimes, there’s no way you would know they were in that line of work just by looking at or speaking to them.  It was a challenging situation, because sometimes the temptation was there.  But at that particular time, circumstances were such that I wasn’t compelled to spend money on noncommittal sex.

Dating outside of one’s age group is also more acceptable in Ghana than it is stateside.  People out here don’t tend to freak out if they see an older man like kicking it to a younger woman.  They’re not hypocrites like Westerners, who label older men attracted to younger women perverts yet then turnaround and normalize all types of sexual deviancy.

Whereas such arrangements don’t usually result in very serious relationships, they can prove mutually beneficial in other ways.  But that said, dating a younger woman, if you decide to go there, presents its own challenges.  So usually, the only men who would even make an attempt are those with ample disposable income.

VENUES

There really isn’t a whole lot of “dating” going on in Ghana, in terms of guys taking girls out (or vice versa).  In most localities, there’s generally only three types of social venues available anyway – churches, drinking spots and eateries.

Church dates, if you’re the religious type, may be a more viable option than most bars and restaurants.  Ghanaian bars, as well as some restaurants, have the tendency to play music or television really loud.  So it can be challenging to find a nice, quiet place to go on a date.

If both you and the other party are used to the ‘hood and you don’t have the ability or inclination to travel far, then you probably wouldn’t be compelled to go out on dates too often.  So on that note, I would say that “dating” in Ghana is commonly conducted in the home, of the male especially.

More options become available as you get closer to the city, especially big ones likes of Accra and Kumasi.  For instance, in these places you can hit up a movie theater or mall.  They also have more diversity as far as the setting of restaurants go.  Also in the heart of the big cities is where you find the higher-end eateries, including those that serve Western foods.

Most Ghanaians don’t regularly eat Western dishes, if at all.  So taking a girl out to get a hamburger or pizza can sometimes be counted as a date, especially when you take into consideration how much higher those foods cost.

If you’re situated in a locality that is far from the city, then hopefully, in the name of dating, it’ll be close to a resort area.  Having a beautiful resort nearby is the perfect non-urban option for a date.

TO SPEND OR NOT TO SPEND

As an American in Ghana, you’re expected to have a lot more money at your disposal than the average person.  So if you decide to play the American card during the dating game, then you have to be prepared to show out in one way or another.

If however you’re struggling, it’s best to just be transparent.  Most dudes aren’t afraid to use money or the illusion of having it to get women.  But at the end of the day, there’s a number of reasons why you wouldn’t want to potentially fall into a deep relationship under false pretenses.

It’s difficult, because people expect you to play a certain role.  A lot of Americans when they come over let that exalted perception get to their heads.  They don’t realize that it’s all about dollars.  Or they do and use that fact to take advantage of others.

Getting a Ghanaian partner to appreciate you without taking your American nationality into consideration can be difficult and sometimes impossible.  That’s just the way it is.  No one wants to be in a friendship that, from the other party’s perspective, is based on them profiting from you.  You can be down with it at first but later regret allowing yourself to be used like that.  I’ve seen it happen so many times.  In the back of your mind, from the get-go you know this person wouldn’t be with you if not for the fact you’re a foreigner, with access to foreign currency.  But still, by the time you’re in love and that realization comes to the forefront, it’s a hard pill to swallow.

Playing the giddy, carefree American role is cool and even expected if you’re out in Ghana openly sowing your oats.  But using your money or citizenry to seduce someone who is not genuinely attracted to you can later come back to bite you in the ass.

DO YOUR RESEARCH

If you decide to be serious with a romantic partner, it’s always wise to do some degree of research on their past and present.  But in Ghana as an American, in some cases you may be compelled to go the extra mile.

Dating an American is such a valued practice that some people who already have partners may forsake their loved one to be with you.  In some instances, you may not care.  In others, if someone is married for example, you’d usually want to know that beforehand.

If a Ghanaian with such ambition gets their hands on an American, they may conceal or lie about their romantic status – so and so forth.  Being in such a relationship, from their perspective, may be akin to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  So people will do what they have to do to get that bag.

That type of scheming seems to be most successful with younger women milking older men, but some dudes are on it also.  Of course, we Americans know that most of us aren’t rich at all.  But our citizenship holds high value also.  Even if you don’t have a lot of money, bringing someone from Ghana to the States will give them the more realistic opportunity to earn some of their own.  Most Ghanaians I know who’ve been to the States come back (relatively) wealthy.

BE OPEN-MINDED

As for me, I wouldn’t want to date a married woman or anything like that.  But otherwise, I’ve become more or less open-minded.  I’ve been in Ghana long enough to appreciate the perspective of the locals.

This is my way of saying that, in these types of settings you shouldn’t let someone dating you for the prospect of material gain automatically turn you off.  One of the reasons such practices are not as common in the States is because financial need is not as pressing there.

When people down to date you because you have something they want or idealize, you can use that perception to play the field and be promiscuous, or you can use it to find that special someone.  ‘Hey, my wife’s initial attraction to me was in hopes of landing some dollars and a green card’.  Who gives AF, so long as she proves to be a good wife.

YOU CAN FIND A SPOUSE, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO

Ghanaians are very religious (compared to Americans), so even a lot of the wild girls out here dream of finding a husband.  The world is complex like that sometimes.  But we can make it better, if we were more romantically committed.

As an American in Ghana, the dating ball is in your court.  So you shouldn’t be afraid to go after who you want.

As a woman, you’re more subject to potential lovers chasing you than vice versa.  So in a manner of speaking, American women are more vulnerable to being taken romantic advantage of in these types of settings.  But my advice is basically the same.  Don’t count someone out just because their initial attraction to you is primarily economic in nature.  None of us may actually want it that way, but look at it like this.  That person you’re feeling probably wouldn’t entertain you at all if not for your Americanness.  On one hand yes, that type of thinking is vain and exploitative.  But on the other hand, it’s not like you can erase your past or where you came from.

People do all sorts of things – plastic surgery and all types of sh*t – in the name of having an advantage on the dating field.  In places like Ghana, as an American an advantage is being granted to you, based on your citizenry.  From an American perspective, it would be considered wrong to date someone because you want to go to their country.  But that mindset is largely because we already have access to most of the world.  As for your romantic rivals in Ghana, they probably wish they were in your shoes.

CONCLUSION

As an American dating in Ghana, there’s no way to escape your Americanness.  It is what it is.  It’s a blessing if you’re paid but a curse if you’re broke.

You may be able to use your Americanness to sleep around.  Or, when you meet someone you want to marry, they may take the idea of settling down more seriously due to your nationality.  The longer you live in Ghana, the more you’ll come to realize that having an advantage, even an unwanted one, is better than having none at all.

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